Holding On – Letting Go

Holding on & Letting Go

Ross Copperman

Is anybody out there?
Is anybody listening?
Does anybody really know if its the end of the beginning?
The quiet rush of one breath
Is all we’re waiting for
Sometimes the one we’re taking
Changes every one before..

[Chorus]
It’s everything you wanted, it’s everything you don’t
It’s one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We’re holding on and letting go

Sometimes we’re holding angels
And we never even know
Don’t know if we’ll make it,
But we know,
We just can’t let it show

[Chorus x 3]
It’s everything you wanted, it’s everything you don’t
It’s one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We’re holding on and letting go
Yeah, letting go

I have been hearing this song playing over and over in my head and it makes me feel deep sorrow and such joy all at once. The first time I ever heard this song I truly did not understand it. I got the meaning but I did not fully understand the emotions.
Over the past few months I have been experiencing the sense of letting go and still finding myself holding on – whether in relationships with men or friendships but especially with past beliefs that do not truly serve my greater good but that are familiar and therefore safe.
In the last few months I have noted my yearning to share my space with a mate. This yearning has left me feeling lonely and yes, even desperate in moments. I feel a neediness within the yearning and I wonder – what is it that I ma lacking within myself that leaves me feeling this need. It is amusing to me knowing that if it is love I want to attract into my life it is love I need to be and that “need” is not love. If I want to call in love I must let go of need.
I have also been experiencing a death of sorts in my life. I was sure I knew what path I was wanting to take but it has come to my attention (bodily and spiritually) that although the path I am on is closer to my life calling then I have ever been, it is still not quite the right path. I feel this tweaking taking place within my body, mind and spirit and it is confusing and a little scary. I was so sure I was doing what I was put on this earth to do and now to understand I am still not quite there is a little defeating. Parts of my path are still right in line with Source but there is still something missing – is it commitment, or maybe it is passion.
I have not felt passionate about anything of late. I have been excited but not passionate. I have not felt that bodily “YES” with anything. Not with my writing, my coaching, my sexuality…nothing…. I have experienced enjoyment and pleasure but not that high of passion for the moment.
For many years I have been grieving and honestly healing a part of my soul that I gave up and it feels good to not be numb in this aspect of my life any longer. I have even been blessed to heal my heart, soul and body deeper and let go pains that I had not even remember numbing and crushing. It has been an amazing journey of self in the last three years but honestly this last year I have healed at the deepest level – one of conscience healing.
So I continue to let go and I know I am continuing to hold on. As I find the security in my steps forward I will fully be able to let go. One day I will look back on this moment with my heart filled with even more love and tenderness for myself knowing that I am like a new born child taking steps for the first time.