A Year in Review
Many things can change in the span of a year. It was about this time last year I was writing out my goal, direction – what ever you want to call it, for the 2011 year. I look at the list and giggle to myself as not a signal thing was done.
I wanted to invite a different Goddess each month into a woman’s circle I was in. The woman in my group were amazing and I wanted to share my positive experience with all the woman in my life. This year the “Circle” broke apart when we were informed what we were doing was considered illegal. The woman in my circle had such integrity that when this very surprising news came to us, there was no question – we stopped what we were doing. We did however continue with supporting one another in our journey’s and dreams. Although many have fallen away there are still a few of us that email each other weekly and share in our journeys.
I wanted to quit my job and become a full time Life Coach no later than August of this year. That did not happen, in fact I have all but stopped trying to build a practice and have taken on a different position in my day job. Somewhere over the year I learned that I love coaching but when I was actively TRYING to build something I lost my passion – it became work and not a gift as I had always looked at it as. I am still coaching however I am not pressuring myself to be a full time coach – that will come in time if that is what the Universe has in store for me.
I was going to increase my income by $60,000.00 – well that did not happen either although I have increased my annual income, just not through the sources I had thought and not by $60,000.00
There were many items on my goal list however none were completed and I am okay with it. The goals on my list, although important in the moment, no longer were leading me ion the direction I was wanting to go.
Truthfully this has been a lost and found kind of year. I had to get lost so that I could start the journey of finding myself once more. At the start of the year I was working with an amazing coach on building my practice. Very quickly I came to understand I had some deep seeded that needed to occur before I could even consider building a practice. At the end of our six months working together I had journeyed to a dark place within myself and emerged stronger, wiser and more centre balanced within myself.
As mentioned previously, the woman’s circle I was a part of ended. Although we tried to keep everyone together something was lost when the money was removed from the picture. I think it is unfortunate as I have received so much support from my circle sisters – even now when we are no longer in it for cycles and blah, blah, blah.
I ended a relationship with a man I love deeply. I would love to report that my heart was able to let him go and I was able to move forward but the truth is my heart still loves him deeply even though I have not seen him in over seven months. As much as I am not waiting around for him – I have also made the decision I do not want to move on and that I will wait for him because it is him I love. It is in his arms that my world makes total sense to me. It is with him I feel safe to be vulnerable, open and a total girl. So yes, I am waiting for his return to the country to determine if we can find a way to work through our relationship together.
I stopped dancing in my life for months. It would be through Chair Dancing that I would come back to dance and really open to my own sexuality once more. I have found a real passion in my chair dancing, which I try to do every few days just for the release of the energy in my body.
I rejoined my sisters in our monthly Goddess Meetings. I had stopped going for about a year and a half and then in March I went. I needed the connection. Since March I have been going more often and about three months ago I made a decision in my body that I need to be there monthly as much as possible. I even stepped up and offered to lead one month. It was an amazing experience.
2011 has been an amazing year of growth. I have died, come back to life. I have cried till I barely see out of my puffy eyes and laughed till I almost peed myself. I have allowed myself to love deeper than I knew possible. I have allowed myself to be vulnerable knowing that I would be hurt in the process and instead of shutting down I loved deeper. I have learned to love a moment for what it is ion that moment. Mostly I have allowed what is to be – just as it is.
And now I start to think about what it is I want to do in 2012. What direction do I want to start heading in? That, my friends is for another blog.