Change

My journey of self realization and growth has been in a stage of settling for the past year however in this moment I am feeling the shift of something new coming to my surface. I have the urge to move, DE-clutter, and take on new projects. In the same motion of this stirring I also feel some resistance. I have enjoyed this past year of knowing who I am, feeling confident in what I am and being open to what another is. I had Life all figured out….

I find myself wanting a family more and more. A husband and a child to add to my current family. I find myself yearning to explore a different path then the one I am one. Could this just be the effect of melting snow and the coming spring weather or is there more to these restless feelings?

My energy is running high in my inner body and yet my outer self is in full resistance to any movement. I sit in my living room with “stuff” all around me knowing that I need to clear the mess away yet not knowing how to start. Is it a matter of needing help? Maybe it is just realizing that I am resisting and remembering what I resist the most brings me the most change and happiness on the other side.

I entered into an agreement to have a long distance relationship for four months. An older lover told me I am not built to be in a distance relationship. This warmed my heart as there was a time I was not built for a face to face relationship…. This comment helped me to understand that Yes, I have shifted in my relationships. I have shifted from fear of committing  face to face with another to developing deep commitment with those I am in relationships with. I have learned how to open my heart and love knowing I may get hurt yet loving all the same. It feels good and when hurt happens it is deep but fleeting. Fleeting because I loved, truly, madly, deeply love another for who and what they are. So instead of hurting for the loss of the person I only hurt for the loss of the immediate connection knowing that I still love the person and can do so while releasing them.

Back to the mess that surrounds me in the moment….what is it about this stage I am living I do not want to let go of? Is it the confidence I feel with where I am and what I am doing? Maybe it is the knowing that once I start there will be no stopping what shifts? Am I a little afraid, or is this feeling excitement?

I feel the energy in my body as well as the resistance. One feels sooooo good and the other feels like a child stomping her feet. Both need to be honoured and it is up to me to figure out the best way to move forward while honouring the little girl in my who is finally feeling safe.

It is time to hold my inner child’s hand and jump into the shift that is happening. It is time to feel the excitement of the change and to understand that it will only bring me positive energy. It is time to show my little girl that change is necessary and change does not mean she is not safe. It is time to clear away what does not serve me and make room for the amazing things coming to me.