Letter to her EX

(I stole this off Facebook. It is an amazing letter.)


I am writing this to express some feelings I have been having since we first met. I am not writing this to hurt you, because I do care about you…perhaps you will listen to what I have to say and consider if it is useful to you or not.

I know you want connection with a good woman, that at some point in your life you want a partner and perhaps a family. You’re a good man, with a good heart and mind. I think you really mean the best, and you are working on improving yourself, learning and growing. I have enjoyed our connection, you’ve helped me to feel sexy, desired, and valued. Thank you for valuing me as a friend and lover.

But that relationship feels like a lifetime ago and I need to be honest and tell you exactly what I feel. When you text me and say you want to ‘Skype’ or ‘Facetime’, you’re only looking to use me for your own pleasure. I honestly can’t remember if you have EVER asked me what turns me on, what I would like, or what makes me feel sexy.

It was always about you. What YOU wanted to see, feel, and experience. You didn’t take your time, you didn’t allow me to unfold, you didn’t even take the time to come to me having tended to the details of personal care that intimate partners do.

I risked a lot to have you come visit me because I was hungry for sex. Back then I didn’t know I deserved or could even have a lover who wanted to KNOW me, who wanted to PLEASE me…I didn’t know I could have that value.

While YOU couldn’t get enough, while my mouth and body were a source of pleasure to you, you rarely gave. You didn’t ask me what I wanted, what I was feeling and I never felt like you valued my experience or that my pleasure and satisfaction were important to you.

I was still in my “old habit” of pleasing men, even at the expense of my own happiness. At that time it was more important to me that YOU were pleased, that YOU were satisfied…and I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted and needed. Honestly, I didn’t know what I wanted or desired then either – but I do now

Since that time I have changed a lot. A lover has helped me by valuing my pleasure first, always ensuring that I’m satisfied, worshiping my body and my femininity so I feel safe and desired. He has spent hours talking to me about my desires, what feels good and even understanding what I don’t like.

At the beginning this was difficult for me – I didn’t believe a man COULD really care about a woman that way. For a long time I was determined that he was just talking about it to get more sex – but that was not the case. And once I learned how to trust I became more sexually open and awakened than I even knew was possible.

You don’t understand. For a woman, trust and intimacy are the doorway to her deepest passion and most unbridled desires. For her, a man’s tenderness is what allows her to be open to his intensity – and want even more. Because he connects to her so deeply she doesn’t simply permit him access to her, she DESIRES to feel his hunger for every part of her.

You pride yourself in being a “Good lover.” Maybe because you’re handsome, romantic and a good kisser. That’s enough for some women, but there’s so much more to the experience for a woman than getting past her resistance to your advances.

The number of women you take to bed doesn’t make you a magnificent lover, it’s the depth to which you open her soul to god and create a space for her to express the profane and the divine in the same breath, to snarl curses and scream blessings in the same bliss.

I’m not the ONE you’re seeking, but any woman you’re with should be treated like this…a queen, a goddess. Even if you are just practicing and you don’t love HER, you can love what she represents- the feminine principle and all of womankind.

Maybe it is your culture, your machismo, ego that makes you look for your own pleasure before that of the woman you’re with, and I am sure there will be many willing women in your future – but you’re missing out. You can totally dismiss what I have to say, but someone needs to explain how a woman really feels.

Because if you have the ability to SLOW down, be patient, and OPEN a woman like a tender flower…she will be everything, do everything, give you much, much more than you could ever desire. A woman’s passion is unending…she will match your appetites and then some. IF IF IF you can create a safe, loving, connected space for her.

And the way to do that is to prioritize her pleasure over your own. Treat her like a queen, a goddess….worship her body, connect to her heart, mind and spirit and show her with words and actions how much you want every piece of her.

So no…I’m not interested in being a masturbation fantasy…I’m not interested in having sex so you can get off in my body. My body is sacred, a temple. I am a goddess, just like every other woman on this planet, and I deserve to be treated with respect, with tenderness, and with care.

I have an infinite capacity to love, to be caring and nurturing – but I will only do that with a strong man of integrity, who values me and treats me with tenderness.

I wish for you to find that amazing woman who rocks your world and is your Queen, but you have to become a King to deserve her…and that’s so much more than sexual. It’s finding your purpose in life and pursuing it with focus and passion. It’s living with integrity, honesty, and a humble heart. It’s becoming a strong, evolved, realized man.

If a woman is like a flowing river, a good man is like the banks of the river – holding her energy, directing her with his attention, patience, steadiness, and care. In THAT place a good woman will blossom in your love and care. A magnificent woman is worth it.

Do the work…I know you have it in you.

Written by the heart of every woman.
What Evolved Women Want

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