Oops, I did it again
There was no conscientiousness to my decision last night to eat pizza. I was in a state of sadness and heart hurt as I had just found out my cat whom I knew was sick but thought it was something simple not only had cancer but he only had days left. In a quick moment I had a cat and then I did not.
I was suppose to go out for dinner to a friends house. We were having chicken and quinoa – a great gluten free choice of food. However after the shock of having to put my cuddle friend to rest the last thing I wanted to do was be around people. I wanted to curl up and cry and I wanted to do it privately.
This meant I would need to eat at home and I had not been to a store. I did not want to drive, I couldn’t drive with the tears in my ears….I asked my son what he wanted to eat and we decided on Pizza.
I made the order online so I would not have to talk to another on the phone and laid on my couch waiting for it’s arrival. In 40 minutes I had paid for our dinner and started eating. I had the chicken wings first and they tasted pretty good and then I dug into the pizza. The first slice was so yummy. The second was a little less satisfying but I ate it none the less.
It was when I lifted the third piece that I noted I was eating pizza. That may sound strange however for the past few days I have been really clear on eating gluten free. It is something I am working in with my mind clearing to help me get clear on my food addictions and choices.
Yet, in a moment of grief, without a single thought I picked up the phone and ordered a dinner made of gluten. The crust is gluten, the sauce (white creamy garlic sauce) the flour powered cheese they use….and all I could think was “Wow, that was easy”.
This morning I am sitting here and my stomach is extended painfully, my body feels like lead weight and my heart still hurts. I got my lunch ready and grabbed out the left over pizza, cut it up and placed it in a container to go. Again no thought! My body is in pain and I did not think about what I was grabbing for lunch.
When I sat on my couch waiting for my hair straightener to warm up it occurred to me what I had done. Once again I had reached for comfort food and not what food actually serves my body.
I put the pizza back in the fridge with an “Eat Me” note taped to it for my son and quickly took out some quinoa and roast left overs to have for lunch at work today. I understand that I will have slip ups in the future and that by becoming conscience of the times I reach for gluten I will more easily be able to say no and choose a better more healthy choice for my body.