Prison guards and underwear
A song plays on the radio (ok, really it is an online radio station) and instantly I am flashed back to the nights of prison guards and underwear. Now this may sound strange and in the moment it truly was but looking back it was just another moment in my life that I can laugh at and remember the misadventures I would go on.
I was living inKelowna. Looking back I now know how unhappy I was with my life. I worked a job that sucked the life (joy and bliss) from my body. I ran high masculine energy and was known to bust balls regularly. I took pride in knowing that when it came down to it I was the biggest “Bitch” on the block.
My relationship was in crisis. My mate had not worked for a long period of time and although he gone back to work I still felt resentful for being the main supporter for the past year. I did not respect him and did not feel attracted to him. (It hurts to admit this in a form I can never take back because although we are no longer together I care for him deeply)
I would go out every chance I had with my girlfriends from work. We would drink and we would flirt. At the time only one of us was single and she was having a good time meeting many different men. Myself and the other woman were always there to cheer her on in making another bad choice in man. I think in some way we were reliving our single life through her. The three of us were flirts and we had a great time teasing and playing with the men that would always swarm around us looking to hook up. Free alcohol flowed and the opportunities to step out on my relationship were plenty. I never did. In fact the reality of stepping out never occurred to me as I was not ready to end my relationship…even if I was miserable.
In an effort to feel better about my life I had joined weight watchers. I thought if I could get skinny I would be happy…ha, looking back that is funny. I had lost several pounds and was feeling good. I was dancing lots for my body shape was changing and looking better.
The night I met Aaron if forever burnt into my memory. Oh he was a striking, beautiful man. I can still see his piercing green eyes if I close mine. But I am getting ahead of myself….
I was wearing a great light weight black cross over sweater that showed the curves of my breast in their best glory. The empire waist line of the sweater made them look larger and fuller. I actually blushed the first time I wore the sweater – it was beautiful on my body. I settled on a casual pair of jeans and boots (heeled) my hair was down and a touch of make-up had been applied. I looked in the mirror and thought “Damn I look good” My mate come into the room and started getting ready for work asking what the plan for the night was. I told him the truth that we were going dancing and that I would be the Designated Driver. He stopped and looked me in the eye and asked if I was planning on cheating on him. I laughed and told him if I was going to cheat I would just dump him. He was happy with that.
The bar was packed but we never had to wait in line. Everyone bar in town knew us, knew where we worked and that somehow gave us a golden ticket to skip the lines and cover charges. The Bouncer bought our first round of drinks – we kissed his cheek and walked through the crowd. It wasn’t too hard to see the table full of hot men. First we stood close to their table and laughed too loudly, talked louder and ignored them totally. The table next to them opened up and we took it. An old co-worker came up and swung me to the dance floor where we laughed and butchered the Two Step.
By the time I got back to the table there were three drinks waiting for me and the girls were talking with the guys next to us. I took a drink, tipped the neck as a thank you and stared into the bar crowd. It was then Aaron came over…
He introduced himself and offered me his hand. We shook hands and continued to make eye contact as our bodies started moving closer. My friend came up and looked between the two of us then asked “So who in this conversation is married?” I could have shot her. My hand dropped and I said it was me. The connection was dropped. We stepped back from each other and laughed nervously.
It was moments later we were coming closer together. I can not explain it but our bodies needed to be in contact. The attraction between us was without question. We danced and drank all nights. Somewhere I found my hands exploring under his shirt. My hands on his back and abs, I could feel my heart pounding and I knew without a doubt I was not alone in this attraction. Many times throughout the night the music and people disappeared and only the two of us were left standing holding each other swaying.
The bar closed and we were all too drunk to drive. A cab was called and we took of to the hockey player’s house. The guys were in town for a stag. The groom to be and my friend were getting closer and closer. I told Aaron I needed to walk. I needed to clear my head. I needed air.
I asked myself what I was doing. I could have so easily spread my legs for this man in front of me but I could not get my mate out of my head. I was conflicted and confused. Aaron kissed me and I lost my thoughts, all of them…they just melted away. I broke the spell by slipping out of his arms and running through a sprinkler. Laughing and being childlike he joined me. We ran around on the grassed area getting soaking wet and slipping all over. He finally caught me and kissed me once more.
We talked about his friend and my friend hooking up and I asked him why his friend would want to do that if he was getting married. He then talked about another stag where the same thing happened. It was just the last fling thing. It was easy to talk to him. Easy to laugh and when he kissed me I felt it throughout my body.
We came close to moving past exploring each others bodies to sexual activities however I could not do it. I could not have sex with another man other than my husband.
We headed back to the house as the sun was coming up and I needed to get home before my mate did.
The two of us held each other all the way back to the house. He stated that if I was his, he would not leave me alone and that he would love me how I needed to be loved. I so wanted to be his in that moment.
Getting my friend up was another adventure and filled with laughter. The whole house had to help me get her unwrapped from the grooms arms. All the while she was telling us where to go. I finally got her out to the door step where she refused to look at the groom to be because he made her sick. Aaron and I laughed while we waited for a cab.
I got my friend back to my place 5 minutes before my mate got home. He looked at her and asked what why she was on our porch. I told him she had partied all night and I need to drive her to Winfield but did not want him to worry about me. He kissed my cheek and told me to be safe.
When I got home we had sex. All the time I kept thinking about another man. I felt sick inside. The next night was round two. Everything was so different with Aaron the second night. He was cold to me…indifferent… it hurt.
I was not drinking the second night. Instead I hung out with the rest of the prison guards in town for the stag and laughed. We shared stories and laughed more. There was some dancing and anger as I watched Aaron hang out with another woman – all the while looking at me to see if I was paying attention.
We all headed back to the hockey player’s house again and my friend and the groom went for a second round. Aaron headed upstairs and passed out. This left me alone in a living room with four guys I had just met. All four stripped down to their underwear and felt at total ease with me being there. It was the weirdest thing. The five us talked into the night about their work (the stories can give a person night terrors) There was lots of laughter and one by one the guys started heading to bed until there were just two of us remaining. Jim looked me in the eyes and flatly asked what was going on between Aaron and I. I was stunned and with some anger stated nothing. I reminded him I was married. All he said was “good, innocent people could get hurt”.
The guys left town and we went t back to work. The groom called my friend and asked if she wanted him cause he would call off the wedding and she told him no. I felt lost without Aaron. There had been no closure, no understanding… I decided the best plan of action was to stalk him. I found his home phone number and called. A woman answered. We hung up. My friend called back pretending to have found a Casino Player’s card and asked to speak with either Mr. or Mrs. Jones. The women stated she was Mrs. Jones. I friend hung up. It would be months before we say the groom and Aaron again. Aaron tried to apologize but I would hear him. I was not interested in hearing from him…
Looking back the signs that he was involved were all there. I can now see he was the other groom looking for his last fling on his stag. I connect the pieces now that the second night his brother in law was in the bar and Jim noted the attraction between us. There are times I close my eyes and see his eyes smiling. There are moments I see his tattoo and there are moments I feel his lips. I knew my relationship was ending the second night I spent watching Aaron. I knew because I was jealous and hurt by his action. It would take more time before I would sever the relationship. I was more afraid of being alone.
Amazing what a song can stir up and I stalk Aaron on Facebook.