There is so much that I have to offer to the member of the opposite sex in a relationship and yet here I sit once again rejected without really knowing or understanding why. There is a story I could tell myself all about how I was too much a woman for another and they could not handle the power but that is all it is a story…
A couple of different things, possible truths…at the very least interesting thoughts for me to ponder.
The first thought that occurs to me that another was a quick lesson that there is someone out in this world for me and that by walking away from a man I loved I need not worry I will never again feel the presence of an amazing man. I know now that I can open my heart and love another deeply. I can build a life with another and not feel regret for walking away from someone I cared very deeply for.
This thought gives my heart a glow of happiness. It feel the warmth in my body knowing that yes I can love deeply again and that yes I will find someone who loves me deeply in return.
The idea of the quick lesson also resonates with me – I could sit and feel sorry for myself, “Boo hoo, I opened and got hurt” or I can say “ I opened and I have learned to listen to my intuition” . One keeps my stuck in a story and the other opens me wider to love and experience….Yes a lesson in love – once lesson experienced there was no further reason for us to remain together as our paths were never destined for forever.
The other thought that occurs to me is that the pending relationship had nothing to do with me – maybe it was about another, his lessons, his learnings, and his kinks. I am all for taking responsibility for my behavior, actions and energy however more and more it occurs to me that within that I am also taking responsibility for things that have nothing to do with me.
In oder to figure out if the problem is mine to own and figure out for resolutions I need to be clear on a few things:
Did I act with integrity with regards to another? Yes
Did I open when my heart was scared? Yes
Was I honest with another about my feelings? Yes
Was I open to feedback from another? Yes
Can I move forward without regret of what I did not offer? Yes
Then really, I have nothing I need to figure out. The one thing to remember in relationships is there are at least two people involved. I can only be responsible for me, my actions, my emotions and my behaviors. If I can look in the mirror and know that I did all I could, remained open when I wanted to close and did not cause harm out of malicious actions then I have nothing left to figure out.
I was once told “It is not all about you” from a teacher after a practice exercise that left me open, vulnerable and very hurt. The teacher reminded me to see the other person and their journey. He reminded me that sometimes I am the student but sometimes I am the teacher and that there are good learnings in both roles.
So yes, I am feeling rejected in the moment however maybe this time I was the teacher and it was not about me. I know I have much love to give and that by being true to who I am the man of my dreams will enter my life. I also know that as long as I live by my highest good that those who are not acting in my best interest will naturally fall aside. Yes, it may hurt sometimes however at the end of the day the only person who can really hurt me deeply by rejection is me.