I am always learning on my journey and each day seems to have a new lesson if I am open and willing to accept it. As most people know I love to be in control. Well truthfully I like the illusion of being in control and really want a strong man in my life who can “step up to the plate” and make decisions with his and my best interest in heart and mind.
Last night was a lesson of surrender and open to allow what is to be as it is. I have “dated” a man on and off since I have been apart from the man I love and each time we have been together I am left feeling frustrated and mad because things did not flow in the manner I thought they should. He wasn’t romantic enough, he was too greedy, blah, blah, blah… In the end I chose to walk away for a while and look for greener pastures.
Recently this man contacted me again and although I truly did not feel there is a future I thought what the hell…it has been my lesson that people come in and out of your life as there are lessons to be taught and learned. Normally I would have approached our meeting again with some angst and resentment however I needed to honor this was a choice I was making and allow it flow without attachment to an outcome.
We made a date and I was stood up. Not something I accept readily nor is it something that a man gets a second chance with. Yet I did not feel that anger of my ego, instead I felt rather calm and just thought – “Wow, this is great I get to go to bed early tonight”. No anger, no frustration, and most importantly no resentment.
The following morning I received his message apologizing and stating he had fallen asleep and that he would make it up to me if I let him. I chose to be playful with him which at first he did not pick up on, the trouble with texting, and then he started playing back. Things started flowing the moment he got that I was not angry and he could let go of his own angst and just be present.
Now to be fair, yes I did hold a little resentment and although we had plans for the night I did chose to go out with the girls and drink wine and sit in the hot tub for a while. I was about an hour late for our date and made no apology for my actions only noted that after being stood up I will not “wait” around – I had an opportunity to go out for a bit and went.
Our evening together was wonderful, there was a lot of laughter, playfulness and ease. We teased one another about sports on television and the fact that I have limited cable – I reminded him he was lucky I had cable at all as I do not like watching a lot of television. We were able to have easy conversation and truly enjoy sharing space with one another. There was an ease simply because I surrendered to the moment as it was. I did not hold him to an attachment of how I wanted things to be. I did not have an illusion that we are going to build a foundation of forever in that moment.
For the first time since we have met he was able to relax and be who he was in the moment instead of trying to figure out what it is I wanted him to be. He was able to be playful without me being overly sensitive trying to read between lines that were not there. We were both able to enjoy the space we were in for exactly what it was in that moment. There were no games, no expectations to live up to and no stress about what could or might happen in the event of the evening, week or months to follow.
My lesson from this experience is that when a situation is allowed to unfold naturally it becomes enjoyable and it is easy. There is no angst and resentment and most importantly all parties involved have a chance to truly each other’s company and contact.