Science or Art?

*WARNING TO MY READERS*

This blog is sexual explicit. It is all about sex, sexual stimulation and masturbation. It is about orgasms.

I find myself sitting her in my living room listening to music about masturbation, which brings a smile to my face and have just put down a riveting book called Slow Sex written by Nicole Daedone. Funny that tonight brings to me to the topic of sex and sexuality.

I have written many times about my own sexual healing and with all I have shared there is still so much I have yet to heal or work through which may cause me blockages to my own sexual satisfaction.

Tonight I find myself wanting to explore my sex deeper. To have a fuller understanding between my pleasure and my disconnect from the whole subject.

Slow Sex speaks of the science of sex versus the art of sex. The ART of sex – now there is a subject I truly enjoy speaking about. I learned a long time ago to find the art in my sexual acts – to allow myself to not feel the violation I would pretend I was in control and making art of the blow job or riding on top. However, as I look at it in this moment I realize I too, had made science of the sex I was having. I had found the perfect formula to bring pleasure to my partner.

I have also found the perfect formula to make myself orgasm. All I have to do is totally disconnect from the partner and go into a fantasy in my head and BAM I can cum and you will think you have done a great job….the truth is I am a good actress, I can even fool myself…LOL…not so funny in this moment.

Over the last two years something has shifted in my sexual pleasure. It is not so much about the formulas and science and more about greed and self involvement. Somewhere on my journey I came to a silent agreement that I really did want to connect sexually with my body and was willing to place my thoughts, energy, heart and genitals into the practice. When I made this silent agreement it was not something I did with conscience thought, I did it at a embodiment level – subconsciously but totally embodied.

Sex changed for me when my partner at the time shared that oral sex was not something he was willing to do. OMG – I love oral sex, could I really go through life without oral sex? Then to find out my partner did not really know how to have foreplay, like really play with the foreplay, not get a little excited and be ready to go…

So I learned to be sexually fulfilled by penetration alone. To feel the pleasure of my partner slipping his hardened penis into my slightly wet (not quite wet enough) vagina and to feel the motion of his body in me moving in and out. To feel the pleasure of the tip of his cock penetrating my vulva. There was a deep sensation of pleasure I felt each time my partner entered my body that would cause me to deeply moan out in pleasure. I got to a point that the excitement of thinking about my partner entering my body and joining me as one would cause me to become moist.

I then went through a period where I was with a partner who exploded with a passion and was into playing with sex. There was nothing that was off limits with this partner. There was a rawness to our sexual encounters but there was not a deep connection and soon I found myself missing the sweetness of depth I had shared previously.

Masturbation has changed for me as well. I use to masturbate to release any pent up sexual energy or to make my body relax enough to sleep. I knew what I needed to visualize for the most pleasure and knew all the right spots to hit for the end reward of the orgasm. However this has been changing of late. Masturbation has become an art – I find myself setting the space – a little mood lighting and music to bring me the most pleasure I can receive. I find myself exploring my body more, really feeling the pleasures my own fingers can bring and then to add the stimulation of the vibrating toys sends me over the edge I didn’t know I was standing on.

The biggest pleasure I have noticed is the simple act dancing is now causing me to have an orgasm. The first time it happened I was slightly surprised as it had never happened to my knowledge before. But then I noticed it happened again and again the more pleasure I was feeling in the dance the easier the orgasm would come. I did not have to be dancing sexy or even to a sexy song all I have to do is breathe into the pleasure in my body and WHAM – moisture of pure bliss flowing from my body.

This is the art of sex. Not the well thought out formulas to bring pleasure but the feeling my body, feeling the connection and most importantly feeling the love in the moment. That is what brings me the greatest orgasm and it takes little to no time to achieve.

I am continuing to read Slow Sex and I already know this is a practice that not only do I want to learn but I want to teach it to others as well. I already feel the shifts in my mind and body as I open to the possibility of what journey I am about to embark on starting with my clitoris.