It has been a while since I have done an entry for my website. I have been working on my book “Kick and Screaming – a journey from there to here” which has been an amazing healing journey within itself.
After facilitating the first Healing Hurt course I was open and ready to share my story in a new way. I struggled with how to start my story. Did I start at birth and how much is story did I tell? What would be important and what would just be filler or fluff? It was a struggle for only a couple of days and then suddenly the words were flying onto the pages. I wrote and wrote and then wrote some more trying to give a full picture of what my journey has been since birth. I realized that many memories of friends and parties were not really important, it was filler or fluff…it was the times in my life that I experienced great pain, abuse or heartbreak that I grew and learned.
Then I started putting words to the exercises I did in my own healing journey. Some of the were very easy to write and others made me stop and think. I wondered if people would think I was crazy or that I have no focus but then I remembered this is my journey and in truth it does not matter what other people think of my healing…it is mine. Lastly I placed blog entries into the body of the book to show the actual thoughts and feelings I experienced in the moments of the actual moment.
So now I have a finished book and I have been experiencing some resistance with completing the few steps. I have the information and I know it will only take a couple of hours to complete the steps and have the book copyright protected and my ISBN’s for publishing. I know I have to send it to the Editor who I have already hired (www.writersrise.com) yet I am still feeling this resistance.
I have been exploring what is true for me and what is coming up is FEAR!!!! Once this book becomes published there is no hiding. I have bared my soul in there and I am so afraid of backlash. Mostly from my dad’s side of the family…I have tried to remind myself that the reality of them reading it is slim to none but still I feel like it could hurt my father and this is not something I want. Yes, I speak the truth in the book but is my dad ready to hear that truth???? Am I ready to have my father’s family question him about it? NO, I am not. So I sit here allowing myself to resist…..
The bottom line is I need to suck it up and do it. I need to stop allowing my fears to stop me. I have been stepping out of my comfort zones more and more, stopping now does not serve me…it does not serve my clients…..
So now I return to the baby steps of my goal setting to get me going and on target once more. By the end of next week I will have my ISBN’s and copyright. I will have the book sent tot he editor by October 1, 2013. In the mean time I will continue to look at publishing options and work on the cover.
I am very excited to have this project completed. It is something that I have guided towards and feel spirit driving me to complete. I have had amazing support during this process and to those people I want to say thank you – Mom, Al, Lynell, Abby, Fred and my loving son Scott. You have each been so supportive and for this I truly thank you. Much love to each of you.